An American in France

thebloomingbird
Apr 4, 2019
8 min read

How to eliminate unpleasant interactions by using the art of understanding

In the US, there are a few ideas that have been instilled in us about the French:

They are ALL chic, beautiful and fashionable
The women don’t shave their armpits and the men wear berets and write romantic poetry
They all smoke (and look sexy doing it)
All french people eat are baguettes, croissants and cheese, and they drink all day long.
They don't like Americans

From my own experiences, I’d say that half of the things on that list are based on some sort of truth, and the others are just plain propaganda fed to us from the very beginning. It’s not that French people don’t like Americans ‘just because.’ As a whole, they are more polite, more reserved and ultimately more cultured than most Americans simply because of their education system and being so close to many different countries. It doesn’t mean they are better than people who aren’t French, but it does mean that there needs to be a certain mindfulness and empathy when traveling to their country.

The first time I went to France, I was 14 years old and 100% under the impression that everyone liked Americans because we were great. I was a teenager traveling with a group of students from my area to France, Italy, Switzerland and Austria. I was most excited to experience Paris, though-all the lights, cafes and beauty that society had trained me to be excited about. I had no fears of being judged or disliked because of the country I came from, no preconceived notions about French people thinking Americans are too loud, uneducated or obese.

After my first brief, not to mention purely touristic, encounter with France, I came home thinking a bit differently. It wasn’t just about the stereotypical croissants, sophisticated film and berets anymore. Some opinions formed about the people and way of life, but one thing was for damn sure-my interest in France was peaked. I was sure that I would be back soon and I knew I needed to start learning French. I couldn’t stop thinking about the smells in the air, those cobblestone streets, the calm yet electric energy that flew through me every second. I felt like I was home but I didn’t know why.

When I was 17, I was lucky enough to be invited to spend some of the summer in Paris with a good friend. We stayed in a sweet, intimate hotel room in the Bastille area. We spent our days walking, going to museums, cafe hopping, along with pretty much any other typical tourist activity you can think of. We ate macarons in the park outside of the Louvre, drank cosmopolitans on red metal patio chairs, and of course, tried smoking french cigarettes. Everything was so cliche and I knew it, but I went back to America missing France desperately and reminiscing about it for years to come.

After that, I didn’t get back to France until I was 22, but this time I wasn’t messing around. I didn’t want Paris, I didn’t want city or lights or dirty sidewalks. I wanted authenticity. In fact, when I decided to leave America and head for a tiny village in Normandy, “authenticity” was the single most important thing I was searching for. And I found it. I got to pour Calvados for customers, eat liverot and camembert, use wifi passwords a paragraph long, hitchhike with elderly French women who couldn’t speak a lick of English, and watch the sunset overlooking a field full of cows. This is what I had been craving-real France. I stayed there and worked in that village for a month and headed to Scotland, then went to Aix-en-Provence for a few weeks in the summer of 2017. It seemed like no matter how much time I spent away from France, I always found my way back.

When I look back at my first time visiting the country, I remember feeling the exact same way. I knew in the pit of my stomach that France held a place in my heart. And I was right! After all those years of being slightly obsessed with France, I happened to meet my now French husband in a tiny town in the North of Scotland. (A beautiful story but for another time.) He showed me a few different parts of the country that I hadn’t been to before. We went to the department of La Sarthe, where there are fields and castles and apples. Then we went to Nice and a few towns in the Southern Alps. He showed me the most beautiful and authentic villages, and the various dirt roads, waterfalls and tiny uneven streets that went along with them. When I am in France, I feel alive. Everywhere you go is different. The people, the land, the food, and the energy. Sometimes I feel like I’m being wrapped up in a big, warm hug, and other times I feel like the wind is going to knock me down. And that’s why I just can’t get enough. France feels free.

When I move to France permanently/for the near future, I will without a doubt learn so much more about the culture and way of life. I’ll see many more villages, cities, and I’m so excited to soak it all up.

For now, though, here are some things I’ve learned about French culture and how to respect it when you are a foreigner visiting France. I’m writing this to shine a light on WHY French people seem to get frustrated at American ways, and to perhaps help everyone understand that it’s all about cultural misunderstandings and differences. And this goes both ways. We don’t need to go about life thinking other cultures are stupid because they’re different, we should carry with us empathy, curiosity and respect wherever we happen to travel to. (This mindset should also be had in every day life, traveling or not traveling, I might add.)

USING THE ART OF UNDERSTANDING TO TRAVEL MINDFULLY IN FRANCE

1) MAKE AN EFFORT WITH THE FRENCH LANGUAGE.

Understand: When you immediately start speaking English to a French person, they’re not gonna like it! So often, I’ve noticed American people eating out at a French restaurant using English slang and not even trying to pronounce anything in French, even if it’s right there on the menu.

Tip: When you make an effort, facial expressions and words will soften, smiles will occur, and friendliness will make its way to you in a lot of cases.

2) PARIS ISN’T FRANCE

Understand: This is something I’ve heard from a lot of French people. Tourists, especially Americans, talk about Paris and tend to forget that it is merely 1 city in the whole country! In fact, a lot of French don’t feel connected to Paris or the people there at all.

Tip: When you go to France, try to stay open to all the other places to see and things to do! And if you do just go to Paris, keep in mind that it’s not really an accurate representation of France or its people as a whole.

3) FRENCH PEOPLE AREN’T AS OPENLY FRIENDLY AS AMERICANS AND THAT’S OKAY.

Understand: Like I mentioned before, French people tend to be more reserved than most Americans. (Obviously there will always be exceptions, but this is generally speaking from my experiences.) In America, we do a lot of chit chatting with people we don’t really know. Whether it be exchanging news about your family’s dogs with the neighbor you don’t really want to talk to, or filling the “uncomfortable” silence between you and the grocery store clerk with unemotional small talk, it’s part of our culture. In France, it’s not like that. There’s no need for people pleasing or ‘kissing ass’ because they don’t see the point. They are much more matter of fact, simple in their pleasantries and a lot less openly smiley.

Tip: Be friendly, but don’t ask people you don’t know about their personal lives! Also, don’t take it personally if they say something blunt or short to you. It may seem rude to you, but it’s a cultural difference and there is no malintention.

4) KEEP THE VOICES DOWN

Understand: This one goes along with #3. Americans tend to be loud, French people tend to be quieter.

Tip: On modes of transportation, talk quietly and be mindful of the people around you. Especially if you have children. French children are very well behaved and if you have a kid screaming and running around, you’re going to get some unpleasant looks. In restaurants and cafes-same deal. In general, just be mindful of your volume!

5) WINE IS FOR TASTE, NOT TO GET DRUNK

(Though of course that’s a possible outcome)

Understand: We all know that France is wine country. Yes, California makes some really good stuff too, but there’s just no real competition there. Although I will admit that French people are VERY proud of their wine and possibly a bit overly proud, it’s because for generations and generations, the grapes have been grown and harvested and made into what should really be considered art. In France, wine is love.

Tip: Ask the locals what wine they like. Go to the small vineyards, try all the different kinds from all the different areas. Find out what all the fuss is about. Even though it looks a bit silly, ask a French person how they really taste the wine, swishing it around in the mouth and all. Drink it for the taste, drink it with appreciation of all of the time and love put into it, from soil to glass.

And for the big one...........

6) CHEESE ISN’T AN APPETIZER, IT IS MORE SPECIAL THAN THAT

Understand: In America, you will attend dinner parties, work events, and restaurants that serve cheese boards and various kinds of small cheese plates as appetizers and with drinks. It’s totally normal for us to eat cheese in large quantities, maybe with crackers or on a sandwich. There is cream cheese smeared on bagels, sliced cheese in packets at the supermarkets, and it is rare to be able to find a high quality cheese that is not from another country. (Wisconsin makes a lot of good cheese too, but that’s because Europeans settled there in the 19th century and started producing cheese!) In France, cheese is sacred. Cheese, like wine, is an art form. It is something that is so ingrained in their tradition and country that when others do it differently, it’s almost insulting. There are nearly 400 varieties of cheese in France, and 96% of French people eat it, half of those people eating it every single day. Each department in the country makes different kinds of cheeses, and it’s a beautiful ode to the “terroir,” or soil. Cheese is the product of diversity and uniqueness.

The time you eat cheese is also nearly as important as the cheese itself, and what kind of wine you pair with it is vital to the experience. Most French people would scoff (and I’ve seen this actually happen) at the idea of eating cheese before a meal. The traditional way is to eat cheese (usually a few different varieties on a board) after the main meal and before dessert. We can ask why, research the history behind it, but at the end of the day when asked this question, a French person will say, “because it is how to eat cheese.” And we must trust them on this! For generations and generations, people have put love into their soil, their animals, and the entire process because it’s that important. It’s a beautiful example of patience and tradition. Each cheese has its own story, its own land and its own process. Cheese, wine and bread...it’s the trifecta of quality, hard work, and a bond with the land.

Tip: So, after that very long explanation, (Though I could have written pages on this topic) hopefully you understand why French people might look disgusted when people shove white cheddar down their throats or smother a salad with powdered parmesan from a plastic container. Where is the love? Where is the connection to the land, to the animals that made the cheese possible? Where is the time spent experimenting, aging, shaping? When you eat French cheese, eat like they do. Follow their lead-drink the wine they pair it with, eat it when they do, and TAKE YOUR TIME. Close your eyes, feel the texture on your tongue and the taste that fills your entire mouth. Can you guess what kind of land it was made from? How many people’s hands and hearts it took to create it? Savor it. Appreciate it.

I hope this list helps you to better understand the cultural dynamics when it comes to the French and their way of being. Remember that this is only based on my OWN personal experiences and conversations with French people, there will always be exceptions to every single one of the items included on the list.

Above all else, when traveling to France and anywhere in general, stay open. Stay grounded in your own beliefs and truths, but remain mindful that pride and ignorance do not belong in the realm of travel. Empathy and curiosity do.