This is a personal post, no tips or tricks. Just my own experiences about why Scotland has been such a magical force in my life. Here's how Scotland stole my heart and led me to the real love of my life.
Most of the time, the best things happen when we aren't prepared for them. No matter how much we save, how many plans we make, life throws us the experiences we need to have, exactly when we need to have them. When I left America in 2017, I had no idea how long I would be gone. Part of me felt desperate for newness, for adventure, for a feeling I wasn't getting working and living in my hometown. The other part of me was simply feeling brave and READY. In April, I headed to Normandy and volunteered at a vegetarian B&B. After a month, I went to meet the guy I was seeing in Edinburgh, and then we ended up at Newbold House in a small town in the very North of Scotland.
It was there that I found my voice. My faults seemed to become magnified, but so did my strengths. It was there, living in an old victorian semi-mansion retreat and wellness center, that I learned who I was. Little by little, I discovered the small and large truths that made me, me.
I learned that I loved to cook. I had been baking for years and had never thought of myself as anything but a pastry chef, but there I was, chopping vegetables, cooking every day and loving it. I learned that I loved beetroot, celeriac and parsnips. I learned how to grow vegetables, flowers and herbs and how to can them, cook them and turn them into salves. I learned that I did love the ocean, and that I had just been afraid of it. I actually liked skinny dipping into the ice cold water of the sea and the rivers, feeling my toes go numb as my heart grew full. I learned that I loved the sun, I really loved it. I had always claimed that I'd rather it be raining, but in actuality, I think I was just a sucker for dramatic sadness. I learned that friendship had no age limit, no ethnicity, no border. That love between people can be lifelong even if you only spent a week together. I learned how to build a proper fire, how to make a flower crown and how to cook potato curry. I learned that yoga made me happy, meditation made me feel full, and living in a yurt was absolute perfection. I learned that I didn't need anyone else to compliment me, to like me, or to love me in order for me to feel good. I had me. I learned how to take care of myself and how to live more mindfully and honestly.
In Scotland, I broke the barriers that I had created for protection and from fear. I had taken plenty of walks in the woods by myself, but it was there that I learned to love them, to cherish them. I lived in a community of beautiful people from so many different backgrounds and with so much knowledge, perspectives and love to share. I found out what it meant to live in the presence of what was already there without re-living the past and worrying about the future. It seemed that Scotland had called me to it and then pulled me close to tell me "All is okay. Just follow my lead."
So I did. I got my hands dirty with its dirt, my hair knotted with its wind, my lungs filled with its love and my belly full of its nutrients. Some people may think it all sounds a bit too "airy fairy," and that's totally okay. I would have too! But what happened to me really was something intrinsically magical and full of so much fear facing and metaphorical cliff diving. I left America looking brave and feeling scared. After my first month away, I was a little less scared but equally as lost. After I reached Scotland, I was humbled.
Every moment spent in Scotland moved me to the core, but the most beautiful occurrence was the day I met my husband.
After having been mixed up and fairly ambivalent about being in another relationship, I decided to devote myself, to myself. I made myself tea, painted, read books, took myself on mocha dates, and spent my time cooking and laughing. I was so content on my own that I felt excited about it. I could take care of myself, and well! I had made some of the most intense and powerful friendships of my life and I woke up every day knowing that if I wanted to go to the beach, listen to music and cry, I could. If I wanted to dance around my room, I would dance. If I wanted to watch Netflix in bed all day, I sure as hell was going to do it. I was single and I was joyful, because I had finally figured it out-loving myself was the key to loving my life.
Then one day I was cooking lunch for a group of people, and this guy walks in wearing an adorable wool sweater, disheveled hair and a face that instantly gave me rosey cheeks and a sheepish smile. I knew right then and there that this stranger standing across from me was going to be a part of my life. How, I didn't know, but my heart felt a burst of energy that I had never felt before.
It didn't take us long to fall in love. In fact, I think we both fell in love with each other before we understood what it really meant. We met at the most interesting part of my life, I met him in the midst of finding my womanhood. He found me after I had found myself. Since then, we have cooked in kitchens, hitchhiked to an abandoned beach, slept in his van, climbed up ice blue swimming holes, taken naps by the ocean, left a campsite at 5:30 in the morning to watch the sunrise on the coast of South Carolina, driven on a road so close to a cliff that I thought I was gonna die, we got MARRIED, and so many more sweet moments that I have perfectly memorized in my head. Our life together has been an adventure full of a beautiful simplicity from the start, a kind of experience that I had never thought was even possible.
I got pulled to Scotland. For a while, I didn't understand why and honestly didn't care because I was just grateful. But now, nearly 2 years later,I know exactly why.
Life pushed me to Scotland for love. For the kind of love that spreads through your entire life, through every aspect of it, through every kind of relationship. Each person I met, each meal I cooked, each experience I had, was a gift. Scotland brought out the wild in me. The brave. The parts in me that hadn't been discovered yet but were waiting very patiently for their moment.
The events and people that brought me to Scotland were varied, some of them being less than happy ones, but I will never appreciate anything or anyone more. They brought me to dear friends, my husband, and a love for myself that I will hold tightly and deeply for as long as I live.
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